Finding Balance Within Resistance

Balance. For many people this seems to be ever elusive. What does it mean to have balance in one’s life when there are *so many things* to do? Between possible family responsibilities and professional obligations, how does one find time for themselves?

And in those perhaps seemingly rare instances when one does find themselves with some time, how is that time spent?

This is the situation in which I currently find myself. For the last few days, I have felt an unbearable urge to create something solely for myself- be it art, music, or some form of written output. (As a music therapist, most of my music-making is spent on creating therapeutic experiences for other people.)

Yet… a wall of excuses come up whenever I sit down and attempt to create something, including these old tried and true chestnuts: “I’m too tired” or “There are other things that I *should* be doing.” And of course, these “other things” almost ALWAYS revolve around work. Can anyone else relate to this?

Engaging with these excuses brings about a battle of resistance in which I can feel myself staying up in my head- reluctant to move down into my body, deep into my heart where the underlying emotions lie. From here I ask myself, “What is it that is resistant to being expressed?”

When I breathe into this question and begin to track and journal my thoughts without judgement, I recognize that I’m using these excuses to distract me from identifying for myself what it is that would help bring me back into balance. Isn’t it curious how many times we are reluctant to do those things which could help us feel better?

Presently, I haven’t come up with a definitive answer about any one particular activity that would bring me back to center, but rather I’ve been engaging in little things- writing this post, vocalizing, breathing, enjoying household silence… simply being. Together, all of these things help bring me back a little closer to the center- to a place that allows me to see things from a deeper, clearer perspective.

What are some things that you do to bring yourself into balance? How do you recognize when you’re out of balance? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.